Apologies for the recent lack of blogging, but I’ve been doing the kind of hours at work that have made my family suspect I may be doing a bit of sweat shopping on the side.
And I’m not the only one who’s been busy, judging by the alarmingly prevalent appearances of festive displays, seasonal departments, and general decorative garnish in our streets and shops.
Yes folks, it’s only 2-3 months before Christmas!
As I stood a few weeks ago (beginning of October, context fans) staring slack jawed with incredulity at the tinsel and faux snow pimping out a not-inconsiderable section of a local gift shop, I was joined in my lack of admiration by a fellow shopper:
“Cuh! Gets earlier every year, doesn’t it?”
No. No it doesn’t. It happens at the exactly the same pointlessly pre-emptive time every fucking October! Evidently, Christmas is such a stealthy fucker that we need some kind of grossly premature display of unseasonal cheer to warn us of its distant yet inexorable approach. Never mind that leaves are still on trees, that we’ve yet to have the first frost, and that I’ve yet to commit to upping the toggage of my duvet, LET’S COVER OUR BUILDING WITH FAIRY LIGHTS AND REINDEER! SOONER THE BETTER, EH?
At this point the man began edging away from me with a concerned look upon his face, but I’m sure we were aligned on this matter.
I love Christmas; it’s great. But like the AK-47 in Call of Duty, it works best in short bursts. 3 months of build-up is like permanently holding down the trigger – it makes a big noise for a very long time but it’s not particularly effective and you’re spent too early. (Please note: I will be trademarking the ‘celebrating Christmas too early/firing an assault rifle’ analogy after posting this entry.)
Just before December is a reasonable time to start getting all festive, don’t you think? Four weeks to soak it in, get excited, buy presents, etc.
But October?! We haven’t even got Halloween and Bonfire Night out the way first!! Do you know how depressing it is to see a single outlet trying to convince me to buy a pumpkin and some fireworks and a Santa hat at the same bloody time?
I know these timings are commercially driven, but surely it’s a false economy? If I’m excited about something because it’s limited in frequency and only lasts a short while, I’m more likely to buy things associated with that thing when they become available. But by the time Christmas finally appears within sight and the plethora of seasonally themed goodies finally earns a modicum of legitimacy, I’ve kinda got bored of the whole thing. There’s nothing cheery or special about my favourite brand of biscuits having a picture of Father Christmas on the front when that same smug rosy-cheeked visage has been sat on the shelves staring at me since before I transitioned from short to long sleeves.
I like Christmas. I want it to be special. Stop making it ordinary by making it last a quarter of a year!!