People that just stand there after coming off an escalator

escalator

Always look forward; never look back. Fine sentiments to live your life by. Until you get on a bloody escalator.

No one save the most psychopathic of individuals would ever dream of slamming on the brakes in the middle of a busy carriageway, yet there’s a certain type of person – let’s call them ‘fuckwits’ – that think nothing of causing a major pile up of pedestrians at the top or bottom of an escalator.

It’s a slapstick cliché whose continual survival beggars belief. Do these same people check their watch whilst holding a hot beverage? Or turn around when balancing a long plank upon their shoulder? Despite the fact that it is basically impossible to lose your footing upon a discarded banana skin, I bet they even manage to accomplish this on an almost daily basis.

I understand the thought process: “I’ve arrived at a new part of the station or building; I’m momentarily disorientated; I’m not sure in which direction to go.” These are perfectly reasonable things to get sorted in your head as you continue your journey, but for Christ’s sake stand to one side whilst processing! We’ve got nowhere else to go, you see? The escalator – you remember the escalator, it’s that thing you were just travelling on – carries us indefatigably towards the space you are currently occupying. We also can’t go backwards; there’s either a person in the way or we end up moonwalking on the spot merely delaying the inevitable collision with your unyielding, stationary arse.

So do us a favour – make those split-second decisions about your ambulant trajectory on the fly. You can always change direction if your initial instinct proves inaccurate (but please check behind before you do).

9 comments

  1. Pig21

    So true!!!

  2. tigernymph

    Or fit “fuckwits” with rear view mirrors….permanently!

  3. Rhandom Bhlogger

    Simple.
    The person following our favourite, oblivious obstacle gently places a reassuring hand on their shoulder and efficiently moves them to the side, helping them to assimilate into their new environment whilst not inconveniencing others.
    This can be accompanied by the oft-heard phrase, “MOVE! Fuckwit”

  4. leftieswreckeconomies

    Those with suitcases on wheels – they always stop dead slap bang in the middle of the passenger flow to extend the handle – train door, plane door, bottom of escalator etc! Move off to the side when you exit then fiddle with the handle without obstructing anyone else.

  5. Some people drive like that, too.

  6. Next you need to rant about the twats whom unexpectedly stop in the middle of an isle in a supermarket. Or the ones who leave their trolleys in the middle of an isle.

    These are the same people whom stop at the top of an escalator!

  7. Now this is something I can relate to. The escalator is especially bad since they could actually cause someone injury. I too can’t stand the person who the instant they get into the grocery store and stops right in front of the door. Umm… nobody can get around you (they travel in packs in my town).

    I also can’t stand people that walk with what I call no purpose. Typically you can identify where a person is intending to go and you can adjust accordingly, but it’s those people that cannot walk a straight line, make no indication they’re going to stop, or cut right across your path that annoy the crap out of me.

    This made me laugh, but also made me aggravated thinking about all the dopes I’ve had to evade.

  8. I totally agree. I also can’t stand people who do the same thing while getting off an elevator while other people want to get off too, and walking down a busy street and the person ahead of you STOPS TO LOOK AT THEIR CELL PHONE. Please, pull over to the side when you need to stop to get your bearings/check your text messages. The people behind you will appreciate it!

  9. Pingback: Surrounded By Idiots | Victory For Me!

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