I don’t feel as if I need to add much to that highly descriptive if not particularly eloquent title, but I will, because otherwise it’s just a poorly located Tweet.
I have no sympathy whatsoever for the fact that parking spaces are only marginally wider than your Shogun Jeep Monster Truck Land Rover. One of the considerations that should’ve entered your giddy mind as you fantasized about buying the home-motoring equivalent of a tank was ‘how easy is it going to be to park this fucker?’
The answer is: not particularly easy/not easy at all/very hard/impossible (delete according to driving prowess). Whichever category you fall into, by virtue of your choice of automotruck, parking will be more challenging for you; it will require more care, more concentration and – occasionally – more than one attempt to rest your vehicle within the white painted lines.
Unless you just go “fuck it” and allow it to encroach upon an adjacent space.
In which case, please die. Go on… I did ask politely.
Because it’s not just the fact that I have to try to park my car in a ridiculously tight gap due to your selfish, lackadaisical approach. It’s not the fact I have to somehow exit my vehicle when I can only open the door a crack due to the proximity of your vehicular behemoth, giving me the appearance of rubbish pot-bellied contortionist. It’s not even that I spend the rest of my shopping trip in fear that my poor little car will be decimated by your 4×4 as you exit from your space(s) with as much abandon as you entered it.
No, it’s the fact that when you do eventually leave, it makes it look like I’M the one who can’t park properly!!
I couldn’t enter the space bang in the middle like I normally would because you were in the way! But now that your piss-poor positioning is no longer there to provide passers-by much-needed context, I look like the one that can’t park properly!!
I guess a whole chain of innocents could have been cursed and slighted throughout the day, when all they were trying to do was somehow occupy the only space they could find despite it being half straddled by a wanker-mobile. But someone started this whole sorry sequence of events. Early in the morning, when spaces were probably plentiful, some git of a driver didn’t bother to limit him or herself to one space due to the abundance of alternative bays.
And I BET they were driving an SUV.