Cyclists running red lights are annoying, to be sure, but enough people already hate them, making my directional bile rather redundant. And there are others out there that just as flagrantly disregard the rules of the road, and are far less maligned by the world at large, yet piss me off a hundred times more than vicious cyclists. I am talking, of course, about pedestrians. Specifically, pedestrians who walk in the middle of the fucking road.
Anyone wishing to observe this phenomenon could do worse than hang around outside my local railway station shortly after a train from London has deposited a bunch of home county dwellers. The pavement is right there – right in front of your stupid, fetid, selfish faces. Walk on it! It’s for you!! It’s been specially constructed expressly for the purpose of ensuring your safe passage. SO WHY ARE YOU WALKING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING ROAD?? The road has already been reduced to a single lane by virtue of the parked taxi ranks and now you’re all walking bang in the middle of the only vehicular access in and out of the station!! Just because there’s a crowd of you, it doesn’t make the entrance to the car park any more a pedestrianised zone than the M25!
But nothing quite compares to the self-righteous en mass rambles of pedestrians in London – happy to tut and shake their heads with disgust when observing a cyclist mount the pavement, but more than happy to dawdle across the street at a pedestrian crossing before the green man gives them the all clear. And then a bus comes along, desperate to make progress past the traffic lights while they’re still green, BUT THEY CAN’T because the pedestrian hasn’t finished crossing the road yet and refuses to walk any faster. And worse still her actions have initiated a mass exodus from one side of the road to the other by a crowd of easily-led people who have collectively decided that one impatient tart’s desire to continue her journey right now supersedes any requirement to wait for the traffic lights to change or even to look to see if anything’s coming!! And the bus, already forced to slow down, now has to actually stop for this uncaring mob of flesh-sacks despite having right of way. AND I’M ON THE BUS!!
Perhaps the bus driver honks a horn. This is at least gets a some people’s attention as they make a pathetic attempt to speed up their progress before almost immediately returning to walking speed short of reaching the other side, like a brain-damaged person suffering short-term memory loss. Pity the cyclist who has the audacity to ring their bell as they approach this illegal migration – they’re usually either ignored completely or glared at with disdain.
And then, just as the selfish fuckers finally clear the road, the pedestrian crossing finally does kick in and the bus has to stop for even longer. FOR FUCKS SAKE YOU SHOULD’VE JUST RUN THEM OVER, DRIVER! I would’ve stuck up for you in a court of law…
In fact, let’s make a new rule. If a pedestrian is obstructing you, and you have right of way, you’re allowed to hit them. And if you maim or kill them, you don’t get into any trouble. They might be a bit more careful when straying off the pavement then, eh?