What can I say? No really, what can I say? I’ve been in the office for less than a month and we’ve barely exchanged a syllable. You work over there, next to another bunch of people I don’t know. Is it finance? HR? Frankly, I’ve no idea – no one bothered to introduce us.
But the fact of the matter is I’ve been asked to write a few words to communicate my best wishes to you: a person I don’t know, whose role is a mystery, and to whose strengths and aptitudes I can’t possibly be privy after such a short time in the company. Although judging by the cover of this card, you’re really good at getting pregnant. So well done on that front!
I was also expected to contribute something towards your leaving gift. I’ll be honest, Lisa, this annoyed me somewhat. It’s bad enough being asked to hand over some of my earnings for someone I don’t like – an assessment that invariably determines my level of financial contribution – but someone I don’t even know? You could be a child-killer for all I know Lisa! (Although I sincerely hope you’re not – especially considering your condition.) I meditated on this briefly while Claire from Accounts dangled the brown envelope expectantly in front of me, before deciding that I would contribute the same amount I occasionally dish out to a homeless person – another stranger I feel guilted into subsidising. Claire thinks I dropped in more, but I cunningly sequestered the largest coin denomination in my palm as I pulled out my hand! That’s a little tip for you Lisa. See, we’re getting to know each other after all!
Anyway, I should probably stop writing now. Claire’s glaring at me and I haven’t left much room for everyone else. Has anyone written ‘All the best’ yet? No? Brilliant…
All the best, MCF x