A common factor in many of these entries is the sad, infuriating truth that some people appear to have no sense of how their occupation of a particular space may affect or otherwise inconvenience others. Or perhaps they just don’t care. I’m hoping it’s the latter, because then I can feel less guilty about wanting them dead.
The urban backpacker is a prime example of this. You know the type: they’re usually foreign (not that I have anything against foreigners) and they’re usually students (not that I have anything against higher education), and they have decided to carry all their earthly possessions on their back and then enter a highly populated area during rush hour (I’m mainly against this part of the scenario).
The backpack, dear Gunther, has made you bigger. It has increased the physical space you occupy, almost doubling your depth. You’d think that the incredible weight of the apparatus crushing your spinal column would serve as a constant reminder of this fact, and yet you appear to be oblivious. How else can I explain the way your backpack gets trapped in the closing doors on the tube, delaying it at peak times? Or the way you knock people off their feet as you turn around on the packed platform? Or your complete refusal to remove your backpack whilst sharing a train with a bunch of commuters who would much rather the space were reserved for their faces?
The only explanation is that you just don’t care. Or that you’re secretly a New York cop who was given strict instructions to act this way by Jeremy Irons lest a bomb go off in a populated area. Basically, you’re either in ‘Die Hard with a Vengeance’ or a cock – it’s that simple.